Man Skills: Change a tyre

30 03 2011

Entries are coming in thick and fast for the Maximuscle competition; you just have to click the “like” button on the Facebook panel to the right for your chance to win a tub of Maximuscle Promax which I guarantee* will increase your size and strength in a safe and healthy way.

*The Superbite guarantee extends to those who exercise regularly and not eaters of lard sandwiches.

Ok enough of that, today’s post continues on the topic of skills every man should know. Some hippy once sang “How many roads must a man walk down, before he can call himself a man?” Answer: zero – a man knows how to change a tyre.

If you don’t, I’m sorry to hurt your feelings but on the plus side I’m sure you have plenty of tissues in your handbag. I joke – but it’s a pretty useful skill as you never know when you might run over a nail/piece of glass/police speed trap and need to change the wheel. Here’s what you have to do:

  • Park the vehicle on firm, level and non-slippery ground away from traffic. Turn on the hazard warning lights and turn the ignition switch to LOCK (0). Don’t feel silly if the vehicle is in a dangerous or extremely busy location: if this is the case, have no hesitation in asking for roadside or police assistance.
  • Put the transmission in Park (automatic) or Reverse (manual). Apply the parking brake. Have all of the passengers get out of the vehicle while you change the tyre. A bit of forward planning would be to keep heavy-duty gloves and a high visibility jacket in your car as it could be dark, wheels and tyres can be hot or, in a blowout situation the source of puncture or wire from the tyre itself can cause injury.
  • Remove the spare wheel. Spare wheels are usually located under the rear floor of the boot and retained by a wing bolt to eliminate movement whilst driving.

  • If applicable, remove the wheel cover or hub cap and, whilst the wheel with the flat tyre is on the ground, loosen all of the wheel nuts 1/2 a turn with the wheel wrench. This will allow you to create more torque on the wheel nuts. The nuts, wheel and hub may still be hot from driving. Find the jacking point, as identified in the owners manual, nearest to the wheel that you are removing, which is located beneath the door-sills of the vehicle behind / in front of wheels toward the middle of the car. Place the jack under the jacking point. Turn the jack handle clockwise until the top of the jack contacts the jacking point. Make sure that the jacking point tab is resting in the jack notch. Don’t be a berk and get under the car whilst doing this!

  • Remove the wheel with the flat tyre. Now put on the spare wheel. Put all of the wheel nuts on finger-tight, and then tighten them in a criss-cross pattern with the wheel wrench until the wheel is firmly against the hub. Do not try to tighten them fully. Lower the vehicle to the ground, turning the jack handle anti-clockwise and remove the jack.
  • Tighten the nuts securely in the same criss-cross pattern. As soon as convenient check the wheel nut torque at the nearest service station, which can be combined with changing or repairing the flat tyre. Replace the wheel with the flat tyre where the spare was located and ensure that the wing bolt is replaced. Warning: Loose items can fly around the interior and if a tyre isn’t fully flat it can still blow out in the car so have it in the boot and not on your lap!

There you have it! Another skill to navigate the turbulant world of all that is man. You can add this to your list of being able to scratch yourself in public and how to give disingenuous to girlfriends/wives.

More tomorrow!

D.

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